Far too often, I hear people talk about falling in love as if love is similar to tripping and falling into a pit. If you can fall into love then you can fall out of love. This “falling” most people talk about is based on feelings. When a couple first “falls” for each other, the brain releases dopamine which is a feel-good hormone. Your brain continues to produce this pleasure-inducing chemical each time you think about your new “love.” As the relationship develops, the brain releases adrenalin, epinephrine and norepinephrine which fuel the infatuation and obsession.
The problem is that many people equate this pleasure sensation with love. The body can only sustain high doses of the euphoric brain chemicals for so long. With time, the release of pleasure-inducing chemicals decrease and many people then believe that they have “fallen out of love.” Then the cycle starts over…boy looks for girl to make him feel butterflies and excitement only to find that in time, the feelings fade.
Equating love with the way you feel is dangerous. If parents based loving their children on the times when they felt unadulterated bliss from their kids, there would be many loveless days in the family. First Corinthians 13 tells us love never fails.
I believe one of the reasons so many relationships fail today is because of the shallow view of love. First Corinthians gives a definition of love that requires sacrifice, commitment, and forgiveness. Love is a verb; it is a choice. We love because we choose to love, not because someone else makes us feel good or makes us happy. I hate the quote, “You complete me,” in many Hollywood movies (as if we are somehow incomplete until we meet the one our soul loves — hogwash). Instead, I love the lyrics to the more recent song by Casting Crowns “Maybe we were meant to be broken together.”
There is no perfect Mr. or Mrs. Right out there. There are no perfect people (apart from Christ). Love keeps no record of wrongs, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
May we love with a biblical love!